Just as dangerous as the post-modern/emergent group is the tele-evangelist. Although the tele-evangelists have been around a little bit longer.
You might be a tele-evangelists if...
1) You have ever had face cramps from all that smiling.
2) You write books like: "Your Best Life Now" or "8 Steps to Create the Life You Want."
3) You 'slay' people at your services.
4) You spent more than $10,000 for a commode.
5) Your last name is Popoff, Van Impe, or Dollar.
6) You have predicted the exact date of Jesus return at least twice.
7) You have been involved in sexual misconduct, drug addictions, financial fraud/embezzelment, or blatant deception but still have "your ministry."
8) You own a private jet, more than one mansion, and at least five BMWs, Mercedes, or Rolls-Royces.
9) You employ 'catchers' for your worship services.
10) You wear more jewelry than Mr. T and all white suits. (For female evangelists: You wear more stuff on your face than is used to paint the local water tower and sound like a man if a viewer closes his/her eyes.)
...You know what is really scary? A lot of the above characteristics could also be in a list of cult leader characteristics!
But you can think on that.
21 February 2008
Too Hard on Emergents...
Okay, I'll admit it: I have been a little hard on emergent & post-modern types. So in favor of equal opportunity sarcasm I have broadened.
Catch the following youtube.com videos...
Seeker-Sensitive Mega Church Pastor
...and...
Really, Really Bad Preacher
Catch the following youtube.com videos...
Seeker-Sensitive Mega Church Pastor
...and...
Really, Really Bad Preacher
18 February 2008
An Emergent Preacher... (Part 2 of 2)
Again, please make allowance for my emergent sarcasm.
Here are 10 more indications that you might be an emergent pastor.
1) You have ten pairs of sandals, but only one neck-tie.
2) You are 'self-ordained.'
3) Your website links to PETA, Green Peace, Democratic Party, Obama for President, and Religious Tolerance.
4) You believe your church needs to hire a 'pastor of the dance,' 'water color pastor,' and one living in sin (so that he/she can relate to people).
5) You believe you are the first person (besides Brian McLaren & Rob Bell) to actually understand what God really wants us to be.
6) You only have one service a week (probably at an odd time or day) and encourage people to 'fellowship' the rest of the time.
7) You believe that some people going to your church are Christians and do not even know it.
8) You had a vision that included a cameo by Donald Miller.
9) You would recommend reading Velvet Elvis or Everything Must Change before anything in the New Testament (too much archaic language).
10) You have used incense, candles, bells, cotton balls, backpacks, and a long wooden staff in the same 'worship service,' but no Bible.
Here are 10 more indications that you might be an emergent pastor.
1) You have ten pairs of sandals, but only one neck-tie.
2) You are 'self-ordained.'
3) Your website links to PETA, Green Peace, Democratic Party, Obama for President, and Religious Tolerance.
4) You believe your church needs to hire a 'pastor of the dance,' 'water color pastor,' and one living in sin (so that he/she can relate to people).
5) You believe you are the first person (besides Brian McLaren & Rob Bell) to actually understand what God really wants us to be.
6) You only have one service a week (probably at an odd time or day) and encourage people to 'fellowship' the rest of the time.
7) You believe that some people going to your church are Christians and do not even know it.
8) You had a vision that included a cameo by Donald Miller.
9) You would recommend reading Velvet Elvis or Everything Must Change before anything in the New Testament (too much archaic language).
10) You have used incense, candles, bells, cotton balls, backpacks, and a long wooden staff in the same 'worship service,' but no Bible.
16 February 2008
Revival...
We are moving toward revival at our church. Actually, it is already here. Unscheduled, but definitely not unwelcome. God's presence is what we are desperate for!
March 1-5 we will be having special services with EverPraise from Trevecca Nazarene University (on Saturday & Sunday) and our evangelist will be Rev. Scott Ferguson who will be preaching Sunday through Wednesday.
Pray for our services during this time.
March 1-5 we will be having special services with EverPraise from Trevecca Nazarene University (on Saturday & Sunday) and our evangelist will be Rev. Scott Ferguson who will be preaching Sunday through Wednesday.
Pray for our services during this time.
15 February 2008
An Emergent Preacher... (Part 1 of 2)
Allow me an opportunity again for some emergent sarcasm.
10 indicators you may be an emergent pastor...
1) While preaching you have many 'dramatic' pauses while you think of a way to say something in a way that it will not offend anyone.
2) Your list of 'sermon topics' looks similar to that of Whole Foods Market's.
3) You believe churches that disagree with you are in a vast conspiracy to cover up true Christianity.
4) You would rather not be called pastor, reverend, brother/sister, or preacher. (Things like 'fellow follower of Jesus,' 'companion on the journey of life,' and 'seeker of unknowable truth' are preferred as alternatives.)
5) You are a guy with unkept hair and old used clothing, but you have the coolest pair of glasses around and a MP3 player that can do more things than your parent's entire entertainment system.
6) You are rejected more by Christians than sinners. (Although you do not really believe in sinners... you call them pre-Christians or even post-Christians.)
7) Your Internet homepage is either Nooma, Brian McLaren's homepage, or Emergent Village.
8) You preached a sermon series on recycling.
9) You often begin sermon illustrations with: "The other day while I was drinking a beer..."
10) What's a sermon?
10 indicators you may be an emergent pastor...
1) While preaching you have many 'dramatic' pauses while you think of a way to say something in a way that it will not offend anyone.
2) Your list of 'sermon topics' looks similar to that of Whole Foods Market's.
3) You believe churches that disagree with you are in a vast conspiracy to cover up true Christianity.
4) You would rather not be called pastor, reverend, brother/sister, or preacher. (Things like 'fellow follower of Jesus,' 'companion on the journey of life,' and 'seeker of unknowable truth' are preferred as alternatives.)
5) You are a guy with unkept hair and old used clothing, but you have the coolest pair of glasses around and a MP3 player that can do more things than your parent's entire entertainment system.
6) You are rejected more by Christians than sinners. (Although you do not really believe in sinners... you call them pre-Christians or even post-Christians.)
7) Your Internet homepage is either Nooma, Brian McLaren's homepage, or Emergent Village.
8) You preached a sermon series on recycling.
9) You often begin sermon illustrations with: "The other day while I was drinking a beer..."
10) What's a sermon?
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