I must admit, this is not wholly original to me. Although it is pretty funny.
Fifteen teens every church youth group needs...
1. The guy that owns a Jeep. When I was in high school I rotated between hating this guy and desperately wanting to be this guy. I don’t know how he got it but when I was getting dropped off by my mom in a white Pontiac Transport this guy was screaming into the parking lot in a rugged looking Jeep. I don't care who you are, having a Jeep in high school is like having a space shuttle. Who wants to ride with you & your mom in a minivan when they could be riding in the jeep!
2. The kid that hates God but got forced to attend because of his parents. Don’t try to get this guy to play any youth group games, speak up during discussions or not kick the bucket of orange drink over when no one is looking. Ugh! I wouldn't even be here but my parents keep making me come. As soon as this guy gets his driver's license you'll never see him again. Or he'll become a Christian in what is a really touching transformation process. This one could go both ways. In the meantime, don't look for a close friendship with him if you are a Christian... he thinks Christians are the enemy!
3. The ridiculously beautiful girl that doesn't know it. This girl is a lot of fun right up until the moment that you go to a camp or event where other youth groups are gathered and every guy on the church district hits on her. Even though you're not dating her and she's told you the dreaded "you're like a brother to me" there's a part of you that thinks, "I wish all those guys from that other church would stop bothering her." (And by bothering I mean, "making her laugh and have a good time" two things that you are apparently incapable of.)
4. One obnoxious pastor's kid that thinks he's a celebrity. I need to do a whole post on pastor's kids, but for now, let me just say that every youth group needs one who kind of thinks he's a celebrity. He's contextually famous, which just means a handful of people know who he is because his dad is the pastor but sometimes he acts like he's some sort of superstar. He knows how to walk, talk, laugh, and always what to say in the context of youth group, youth camp, or youth convention. Others in the youth group may aggravate his condition, but only because he's a celebrity in that context. At school (if not at a private school) he is just another kid to them. But this pastor's kid is just waiting for youth meeting at church!
5. The kid that wears shorts in the winter. It might be 10 degrees outside, but he'd have a coat on and a pair of basketball shorts. Makes no sense, but he will become almost combative if you try to pinned him to the statement: "I am cold, since it is below freezing and I only have on a pair of shorts." You might wonder if he even has any long pants until you spot him at school (which has a dress code) and realize he has shorts on under his long pants.
6. The guy that somehow got ordained at the age of 13. You need at least one "mini-pastor" in training. The junior high doesn't offer seminary classes, but for some reason, this guy has a deep theological understanding of all things Bible. He's not going to be the best person to take on a late night youth group prank, but he's going to be awesome at helping you find Biblical reasons to support why the town should forgive you for that prank. He's not the guy to choose if you're going to play a little ball, but you definitely need to pick him if you're playing a little "Sword drill."
7. The group of people you'll talk to at youth group but pretend you don't know at school. I think teenagers today are more secure than I was but back in the day, there were definitely, "youth group friends" and "in the hallway at school" friends. And when they accidentally collided together before math class it was always kind of a sweaty experience. We used to have a Bible study before school when I was a freshman and we'd all walk together to our first class and then immediately when we touched our feet onto school property we scattered in the halls like acne covered marbles that didn’t know each other. Good times.
8. That dude with an acoustic guitar. You know, the guy that, at the drop of hat, has to pull out his guitar and start playing. It's like spontaneous praise or something. Dude, you know who you are. Stop.
9. The guy whose girlfriend goes to church, so he's there too. Don't get use to him coming to youth group. There is a 95% chance that if she dumps him; you'll never see him again. Enjoy him while he's there, but know he's not coming for you or Jesus... just her.
10. The cool kids from school that come to youth group for a brief period of time. This is rare, but definitely a good experience. The cool kid starts coming out of nowhere. You're just all sitting there one night at youth group and the cool person from school walks in. Everyone is kind of in awe and hopes, maybe vainly, that the cool kid would sit by them. Eventually the cool kid realizes that the youth group is not helping their coolness, it's hindering it, and moves on. But oh it was wonderful while it lasted. (Warning: When the cool kid leaves, a new wave of dorkiness will envelope the youth group like a storm moving onto the horizon.)
11. The kid that passes gas all the time. Hate this kid. Hate getting placed on the same retreat van with him. Hate getting placed in the same cabin with him. Hate sitting near him at youth group. Still thought he was kind of funny though. (This kid may be part of the reason a #10 would leave your group.)
12. The 'Dare' kid. Whatever you dare him or her to do, they'll do! Want them to eat a cockroach you found in the youth room? Dare them to do it. They will eat anything to make a scene. The'll also do almost anything within reason. (Note: It may cost you a dollar or two, but it will be worth it.) (Warning: In church, if you make the dare and the person gets in trouble, you will take the fall too.)
13. The 'refuse-to-move' on kid. This kid is actually 21 years old, but refuses to move on out of the youth group. They still feel like and act like a 15 year old. They are usually males and the thrive on attention from 13 year old girls. (Not healthy either.) Some of them end up becoming youth pastors... not so much because they are called, but more because they can't fit in with people their own age anymore. They like to be called teen 'helpers.'
14. The 'van' kid. The church van went and picked up him and his little sister every week. Everyone else knew that he and his sister were the 'harvest field.' They often didn't smell good, look cool, or know that 'Jesus' is the correct answer to anything the youth pastor asked. Every so often the van kid grows up to be a church adult. Usually, they end up being the end of gossip when they get pregnant at 15 or start doing drugs with their parents.
15. The 'push-the-envelope' kid. Tattoos, piercings, wild/colored hair is standard for this guy. He gets a neon green Mohawk and immediately come to youth group meeting to 'test' it on everyone. They thrive on social rejection and a pinch of fear from other youth group members. If you ignore their outrageous antics, they'll leave the group. So say things to them often like: "Don't you think that spiked collar would look better on your rottweiler?" or "Is that new tattoo on your arm Jesus or Bob Marley?"
16. The church jester. This is the guy or gal that cannot be serious. They must have everyone laughing at all times. They are fueled by the laughter of the masses. Two church jesters in the same youth group can be a volatile situation. They will cease to be jester and begin to be assassins trying to 'get' the other.
29 June 2009
23 June 2009
A Word from A.W. Tozer...
This is probably more true today than the day he first penned these words. From Born After Midnight (pp. 36-37)
"The period in which we now live may well go down in history as the Erotic Age. Sex love has been elevated into a cult. Eros has more worshipers among civilized men today than any other god. For millions the erotic has completely displaced the spiritual….
Now if this god would let us Christians alone I for one would let his cult alone. The whole spongy, fetid mess will sink some day under its own weight and become excellent fuel for the fires of hell, a just recompense which is meet, and it becomes us to feel compassion for those who have been caught in its tragic collapse. Tears and silence might be better than words if things were slightly otherwise than they are.
But the cult of Eros is seriously affecting the Church. The pure religion of Christ that flows like a crystal river from the heart of God is being polluted by the unclean waters that trickle from behind the altars of abomination that appear on every high hill and under every green tree from New York to Los Angeles."
"The period in which we now live may well go down in history as the Erotic Age. Sex love has been elevated into a cult. Eros has more worshipers among civilized men today than any other god. For millions the erotic has completely displaced the spiritual….
Now if this god would let us Christians alone I for one would let his cult alone. The whole spongy, fetid mess will sink some day under its own weight and become excellent fuel for the fires of hell, a just recompense which is meet, and it becomes us to feel compassion for those who have been caught in its tragic collapse. Tears and silence might be better than words if things were slightly otherwise than they are.
But the cult of Eros is seriously affecting the Church. The pure religion of Christ that flows like a crystal river from the heart of God is being polluted by the unclean waters that trickle from behind the altars of abomination that appear on every high hill and under every green tree from New York to Los Angeles."
02 June 2009
Death of the Emergent Church
Why the emergent church fad will fade & die... (ideas rooted in other stuff I have read as well as my own thoughts)
1. They tried to blitz the church. It was a rush job on, not only the fundamental truth of the Gospel (i.e. atonement), but an attack on methodology (which I'm not necessarily defending), style, and even basic identity. Certainly major religious movements and even political ones are most often accomplished quickly, but at much greater personal costs.
2. It was basically a fad among disenfranchised teens and 20 year-olds (many now in their 30's and a few sprinkled in their 40's and 50's). "Stick it to the man" became the watch word and song of a generation disenfranchised by a host of liberals and conservatives that were bogged down in the form of holiness instead of the origin of holiness (God). Problem is: that generation cannot stick with anything for very long... we (I am a part of that generation, but NOT the emergent church) get bored and look for some newer fad on the marketplace of religion.
3. No one cared! Basically the emergent church became a pimple on the cheek of the church and the church decided to let it just naturally go away. In my denomination, there are some so-called "Emergent Nazarenes" but for all the noise they make the pragmatic leadership of our denominations chose to ignore a group that claimed to hold the promise of our future as a denomination but has thus far failed to achieve anything more than bringing disunity, liberalism, and a disdain for all thing particular to being a Nazarene. It came, it made a lot of noise (only within the church), incited some excitement among a number of young adults, and is now quietly being shown out the back door by many denominations. It didn't accomplish anything. It was powerless to make any changes by its own foundational ideas (most of which were far from Biblical). Yeah, Sex God, sold a lot of books to some carnal (KJV language) Christians who are pre-occupied with the first part of the title. But then the fanfare died and the emergent was escorted home.
4. They didn't start their own church, they tried to change the church. Don't get me wrong, you have to respect the fact that they didn't go out and found yet another denomination (although most of the "leaders" of the movement have their own "independent" churches from which they bemoan the ills of denominations causing division in the church). If they had formed their own denomination then it would fall and eventually morph into the very thing they fight against... an established church. (I guess it was a lose/lose situation for them.) So they tried to change the universal church and they failed. Why? Because they only convinced a few young "guppy" folks who thought it would be cool to embrace a form of heresy.
5. Too much conversation. "Conversation" is one of their buzz words. Problem is a bunch of talk doesn't change reality. Playing sophisticated games of semantics only gives the rest of us a head ache. So while they are 'conversing,' the rest of the world moves on without them. And the church has always been more interested in being the church than simply talking about it. (Honestly, I would like to know just one positive thing that the emergent church fad has given to the universal church... outside of 'totally cool preachers.')
6. They were just re-wrapped liberals. Same song, second verse and the song is written. What's the difference besides their labels? They are just neo-liberals. They question the same things liberals did: authenticity/authority of Scripture, atonement, hell, & even, in some cases, God (although most emergents would accept the existence of God). They also push the same things liberals did: lower standards (they call having standards legalism), universalism, and 'conversation' with other religions as the the similarities of our gods (note I used a little 'g' to refer to their gods).
7. They didn't stand for anything. I guess if you believe there are no absolute truths then you will not stand for anything definitively. In the name of "conversation," "tolerance," and "ecumenical" they refused to boldly proclaim the powerful truths & standards of God's Word and His Gospel. The only moral issues they would stand for were ones that the world has adopted. "Any dead fish can swim downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream."
8. They are blown about by the winds of secular culture (worldliness). They believe that friendship with the world is friendship with Christ. They believe that Christianity is an adoption of a higher way of thinking. Their theology is rooted in man and not God. They live in the ambiguous and clouded religious terminology (as apposed to Biblical). They choose to be set apart to culture rather than Christ (but would claim they are one and the same). They cannot understand why the things of this world are inherently fallen and sinful and thus they are tossed to and fro by the philosophies and distractions of this sinful world.
9. They have, in essence, ignored God's Word. It's use is good only for a few of the 'stories' in it and various verses that, taken out of context of the whole Gospel, seem to support their heresies and justify their worldliness. Repentance, sin, hell, & Christ as the only way, to name a few, are verses and passages of God's Word they ignore because they don't like. Jesus Christs' death on the cross, the atonement, is viewed in a perverted and warped way. Truths that have been taken for granted by the church for 2000 years are now disregarded and stripped of all influence in emergent circles. (Without repentance you cannot be saved... and that frustrates emergents to no end.)
10. God is not in it. Now I know this one will get me in trouble. Case and point: Acts 5:33-40. Gamaliel stands up before the Sanhedrin and says: "...if this plan or this undertaking is of man, it will fail; but if it is of God you will not be able to overthrow them." If God is for them, who can be against them?
While the death of the emergent church has already begun, it has not yet occurred. It make a whole generation for this insidious fad to fade away. But in the meantime, you won't catch me mourning for that movement!
1. They tried to blitz the church. It was a rush job on, not only the fundamental truth of the Gospel (i.e. atonement), but an attack on methodology (which I'm not necessarily defending), style, and even basic identity. Certainly major religious movements and even political ones are most often accomplished quickly, but at much greater personal costs.
2. It was basically a fad among disenfranchised teens and 20 year-olds (many now in their 30's and a few sprinkled in their 40's and 50's). "Stick it to the man" became the watch word and song of a generation disenfranchised by a host of liberals and conservatives that were bogged down in the form of holiness instead of the origin of holiness (God). Problem is: that generation cannot stick with anything for very long... we (I am a part of that generation, but NOT the emergent church) get bored and look for some newer fad on the marketplace of religion.
3. No one cared! Basically the emergent church became a pimple on the cheek of the church and the church decided to let it just naturally go away. In my denomination, there are some so-called "Emergent Nazarenes" but for all the noise they make the pragmatic leadership of our denominations chose to ignore a group that claimed to hold the promise of our future as a denomination but has thus far failed to achieve anything more than bringing disunity, liberalism, and a disdain for all thing particular to being a Nazarene. It came, it made a lot of noise (only within the church), incited some excitement among a number of young adults, and is now quietly being shown out the back door by many denominations. It didn't accomplish anything. It was powerless to make any changes by its own foundational ideas (most of which were far from Biblical). Yeah, Sex God, sold a lot of books to some carnal (KJV language) Christians who are pre-occupied with the first part of the title. But then the fanfare died and the emergent was escorted home.
4. They didn't start their own church, they tried to change the church. Don't get me wrong, you have to respect the fact that they didn't go out and found yet another denomination (although most of the "leaders" of the movement have their own "independent" churches from which they bemoan the ills of denominations causing division in the church). If they had formed their own denomination then it would fall and eventually morph into the very thing they fight against... an established church. (I guess it was a lose/lose situation for them.) So they tried to change the universal church and they failed. Why? Because they only convinced a few young "guppy" folks who thought it would be cool to embrace a form of heresy.
5. Too much conversation. "Conversation" is one of their buzz words. Problem is a bunch of talk doesn't change reality. Playing sophisticated games of semantics only gives the rest of us a head ache. So while they are 'conversing,' the rest of the world moves on without them. And the church has always been more interested in being the church than simply talking about it. (Honestly, I would like to know just one positive thing that the emergent church fad has given to the universal church... outside of 'totally cool preachers.')
6. They were just re-wrapped liberals. Same song, second verse and the song is written. What's the difference besides their labels? They are just neo-liberals. They question the same things liberals did: authenticity/authority of Scripture, atonement, hell, & even, in some cases, God (although most emergents would accept the existence of God). They also push the same things liberals did: lower standards (they call having standards legalism), universalism, and 'conversation' with other religions as the the similarities of our gods (note I used a little 'g' to refer to their gods).
7. They didn't stand for anything. I guess if you believe there are no absolute truths then you will not stand for anything definitively. In the name of "conversation," "tolerance," and "ecumenical" they refused to boldly proclaim the powerful truths & standards of God's Word and His Gospel. The only moral issues they would stand for were ones that the world has adopted. "Any dead fish can swim downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream."
8. They are blown about by the winds of secular culture (worldliness). They believe that friendship with the world is friendship with Christ. They believe that Christianity is an adoption of a higher way of thinking. Their theology is rooted in man and not God. They live in the ambiguous and clouded religious terminology (as apposed to Biblical). They choose to be set apart to culture rather than Christ (but would claim they are one and the same). They cannot understand why the things of this world are inherently fallen and sinful and thus they are tossed to and fro by the philosophies and distractions of this sinful world.
9. They have, in essence, ignored God's Word. It's use is good only for a few of the 'stories' in it and various verses that, taken out of context of the whole Gospel, seem to support their heresies and justify their worldliness. Repentance, sin, hell, & Christ as the only way, to name a few, are verses and passages of God's Word they ignore because they don't like. Jesus Christs' death on the cross, the atonement, is viewed in a perverted and warped way. Truths that have been taken for granted by the church for 2000 years are now disregarded and stripped of all influence in emergent circles. (Without repentance you cannot be saved... and that frustrates emergents to no end.)
10. God is not in it. Now I know this one will get me in trouble. Case and point: Acts 5:33-40. Gamaliel stands up before the Sanhedrin and says: "...if this plan or this undertaking is of man, it will fail; but if it is of God you will not be able to overthrow them." If God is for them, who can be against them?
While the death of the emergent church has already begun, it has not yet occurred. It make a whole generation for this insidious fad to fade away. But in the meantime, you won't catch me mourning for that movement!
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